What I Learned at the Creation Museum!

When I decided to go on a road-trip to the States, I knew I had to make a stop at the Creation Museum. Now why would an openly homosexual lover of science and truth step foot in this house of horrors parading the events of Genesis as history and fact - while busting “myths” like Darwin’s evolutionary blather? Well I am making a documentary about the biology and evolution of homosexuality, so it’s important as an openminded researcher to see what the other guys have to say.

Contrary to popular wisdom, I didn't burn up after passing the gates.

Okkkay, I’ll admit I really just went to scratch my itch for ironic curiosity. This museum had millions poured into it and to be fair, it looks as fabulous as the best of the Smithsonian exhibits in DC. It has dioramas of Eden - where all manners of creatures walk with Adam and Eve, yes including dinosaurs. It also has a to-scale mock-up of Noah’s arc through which you can walk. There’s a time tunnel that visually simulates the six days of God’s creation and explains how the universe only starting aging - after Adam’s sin of course. And it has plenty of colourful and informative timelines dismissing evolutionary thought as Man's Word.  

Hey, today's the 6006th birthday of our existence!

Take that, Darwin.

Sure it’s absolute asinine crazy-town, but maybe if I was raised in a Christian Fundamentalist commune and I only had a double-digit IQ, I might’ve actually been coaxed into believing this stuff was true. The thing is experiencing this museum and seeing droves of pregnant Amish women with scores of impressionable kiddies absorbing this dribble sent real shivers down my spine. Sure I’m there for fun, but these families are to learn about history and science, as told by the Bible. And because the exhibits are so well-produced - and therefore both cool and informative as all museum edutainment should be - these kids are for more to take this crap and lies as fact, informing their world view. How scary is that?

Hey impressionable kids! A model Noah's Ark you can actually explore! Don't worry it could fit the dinosaurs too!

At first I thought they were employees working for the museum... 

So the big question then is how should a guy like me respond? Do you stand for freedom of speech, and tolerate Ken Ham and his church of anti-gay, anti-evolution fantasies, no matter how threatening they may be to human rights? Or do you turn to activism, lobbying against this sort of propaganda, because it’s being used to corrupt innocent minds?

One of the burning paradoxes of history...

... explained!

A lot of my friends cautioned me (and my controversy-seeking drama queen) against voyaging into redneck territory like Kentucky’s Creation Museum, but here’s the thing - it’s not really dangerous territory. The more anti-gay the homophobe, the more oblivious they are to you actually being gay. I could be spitting rainbows, wearing painted on skinnies and blasting Britney from my jeep and these bigots wouldn’t be the wiser, unless I was recreating a barebacking scene from Sodom and Gomorrah. The thing is extreme-ist Christians are trained to take things at face value. Critical, skeptical thinking are tools of the Devil, but they’re the tools you need for reading between the lines and detecting gay people.

I personally wouldn't trust the word of a prop scroll over a dozen textbooks, but then again, I'm a heretic!

The curious thing is they’re not just neutral or tolerant, they’re actually open and kind. They’re courteous, conversational and genuinely interested in what you have to say, because those are the other tenants of being a good Christian. Sure they might’ve made a stoning exhibit out of me if they knew a card-toting homosexual was walking in their midst, so long as they remain blissfully ignorant, I’m perfectly fine they occupy this nook of backwoods Kentucky. Part of being open-minded and a sort of liberal storyteller means accepting all world views and walks of life, even the scary, delusional ones.